My Story
by Belle-fille2012
Summary: How would you tell the story of your life? Would you start at the beginning? Or perhaps just include your most important memories. Who would you speak of? Who has touched your life in such a way that you include them in your story? What would you say?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but these silly little fantasies inside my head…Stephanie Meyer gets the rest. _

I knew he was there before I even stepped foot inside, I could feel him. I slowly walked into my apartment, rounding the corner to the kitchen, that's where I found him. I thought it almost ironic every time I saw him in my kitchen, a vampire in the kitchen. I would have smiled but I was too emotionally drained to find anything funny. I had told him to leave, that's why he was here he thought he knew what was going on. He thought I was running like I always did, but I wasn't running I wanted him to run, away from me.

He didn't look at me when I came in the room even though he knew I was there. He didn't move, didn't breath.

"Why are you here Jasper?" I spoke with no inflection, no heart, and no love.

"You know damn well why I'm here! You think you can just send me away without so much as a fight Bella? You should know me better than that." He shouted. I had never heard him raise his voice at me but I knew I had deserved it what I said was cruel, I knew that.

"I don't want you to fight anymore Jasper, there's nothing left to fight for." It was a lie, such a lie.

"Bella please," he stepped toward me but I didn't move, I couldn't. He must have taken this as a good sign because he reached out for my. I squeezed my eyes shut as his hands cupped my face. "Look at me Bella."

"No." I said through gritted teeth. If I looked at him, while he was touching me…I knew what would happen.

He tightened his grip on my face, not enough to hurt but enough to get my attention. "Bella…open your eyes."

I slowly, oh so slowly, opened my eyes to see his angelic face. "Jasper wha-"he cut me off with his lips against mine. My mind told me to pull away, this wasn't fair to him, but I couldn't I wanted this. His tongue invaded my mouth, probing. I could feel his want, his desire.

He lifted me up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his hips and I could feel his need pushing into my core. I let out a soft whimper and his responding growl made wetness pool in my panties. I knew he could smell me because his nostrils flared and he grounded into me. I didn't notice he moved us until we were in my room and he was laying me down on the bed.

He took a step back running his eyes up and down my body. I knew what was about to happen, he would tell me that he wanted to talk, that we need to work this out but I couldn't do it I wouldn't listen to him tell me he wasn't going to leave. So I did the only thing I could think of, I stood up and took my shirt off, then unbuttoned my jeans letting both fall to the floor. His eyes widened as he drank in my half naked body. I reached for his light blue button up, slowly undoing each button. My hands were surprisingly steady. He was looking in my eyes but I was focused on his chest, unsure if I could hold his gaze and not fall apart. I had seen him without a shirt on before, he was so self-conscious of his scars but from the moment I saw them it made him that much more beautiful. He had been through so much and made it out the other side a better person which was more than I could say for myself.

Suddenly he grabbed my wrists and for a second I thought he was going to stop me, but I was wrong. He had become frustrated with my human speed; he pulled his shirt apart popping the last few buttons. My breath was caught in my throat, he almost never let his vampire abilities show around me, always scared he might loss himself again but his outburst turned me on more than either of us expected. He pushed me back on the bed and then he was on top of me, somehow he managed to take off his jeans in the process and was now naked. He kissed me again this time slowly, pouring all his love into that kiss.

I was holding back the tears in my eyes, I didn't know if I could do this to him. He ripped off my bra breaking the clasps I would have been mad but all I could see, all I could feel was Jasper. He brought his mouth down to my nipple and sucked electing a moan from my throat. He kissed his way down my stomach dipping his tongue in my belly button. When he reached the juncture of my legs he paused, taking in a deep breath. I should have been embarrassed but couldn't find it in me. He hooked his thumbs into the side of my panties and pulled them down; I raised my hips so he could slide them off. Once he had thrown them across the room he dipped his tongue in between my slick folds. I arched into him loving the feeling. He swirled his tongue around my clit making me gasp.

"Please Jasper," I was begging him.

"What is it darlin', tell me what you want." I could feel the smile on his lips as he blew onto my folds making me shiver.

"I want to feel you inside me Jasper." He growled bringing his lips back to mine in a forceful kiss. I could feel his tip at my entrance; I thrust my hips forward needing friction. He pulled away slightly laughing, "Eager are we?" but then his face turned serious.

"I won't lie, this is going to hurt baby but I'll be as gentle as I can." He looked me in the eye; waiting for my answer he knew I was a virgin. I nodded, not trusting my voice. He placed a kiss on my lips, just one simple kiss. Then with one hard thrust, his length was inside me.

I didn't feel any pain, I was just uncomfortable. He whispered in my ear his love for me and for just a second I let myself believe that I could do this, that we could do this, together. Just for a second I felt it, hope, maybe there was a way.

"Bella, please let me take away your pain, I can help." He spoke running his nose along my jaw. He wanted to use his power on me, but if I let my shield down he would know how I really felt. But the pain, that's how I knew I was alive. Even if it hurt, I was alive; when I was numb that's when I would be scared.

"No, I'm fine." He began to protest but as I rocked my hips his words stopped. He started to thrust in and out, I was consumed by pleasure. His movements were slow, agonizingly so.

"Faster…please….Jasper," I wasn't making any sense but he seemed to understand. He moved his hips faster and harder, slamming into me. This continued, the room filing with the sounds of my moans, his grunting, and of our skin slapping together. All too soon I could feel the spring in the pit of my stomach tightening.

"Jasper…I'm close," his thrusts grew faster and harder, as if he was trying to prove something. Then suddenly my world was coming down around me, the only thing I could feel was Jasper, he was the only thing that mattered. My walls clenched around him over and over again, his cold seed shot into me as I milked him dry.

I was exhausted, my eyes closing of their own accord. I vaguely remember Jasper slipping out of me and moving to my side, wrapping me in his arms. I remember him whispering something in my ear but I was too far gone to remember what it was.

I woke alone in bed, the light shining through the blinds. I slipped out of bed grabbing Jaspers button up off the floor and my underwear doing the few remaining buttons. I walked out of my room following the smell of coffee into the kitchen where I found Jasper in just a pair of jeans. He turned and smiled when he heard me come into the room. I loved his smile; I tried to take in every detail of his face so I could hold on to this memory. That smile was the thing that gave me life, I could remember when I first met him he never smiled. I had asked him about it once and he said that before all he could see were the horrible things he had done but after he met me he felt like there was something to be hopeful for. This is all I would have of him now, my memories.

"Morning Bella, how'd you sleep?" He grabbed a mug from my cabinet filling it with coffee and handing it to me. I said nothing, just placed the cup on the counter top. "What's wrong darlin'?" his smile now gone, replaced with a tight lipped frown.

"Jasper, I need to talk to you." My voice sounded bitter even to my own ears.

"I know what you're going to say Bella and I don't want to hear it because I know it isn't true; I can tell when you're lying to me." I took a step forward, placing my hands on his face.

"You'll believe me," tears were streaming down my face.

"What the hell makes you say that?" His voice was angry.

"Because I'm going to make you," realization and shock crossed his face, but even with vampire speed it was already too late. I had done it, using the last of my power. I could feel it leave my body, almost being sucked out. I pushed it into him, using it to alter his memories. He would hate me, and he would leave. That's what I wanted. That's what I needed.

He fell back, stumbling putting his hand on his head. He regained his balance, his head snapped up; anger in his eyes. It hurt me, burned me in ways I didn't know were possible but I didn't let any of it show.

"You stupid whore! Did you think I wouldn't find out?! I could smell him on you! A werewolf, really Bella? Do you have a thing for monsters? Jesus Bella, he has an imprint! Not just any imprint, your best-fucking friend! How could you do this to Angela?! Do you enjoy being a home wrecking bitch?!" He was growling and hissing at me, his anger more than I expected but still, I understood. I didn't let the hurt show on my face.

"Why did you do it Bella? WHY?! Did it have to be Jacob? Did you have to screw Jacob of all people?!"

"I don't love you Jasper, I love him." I said the words clearly so there would be no misunderstanding. He took a step back looking into my eyes; I could see the hurt in them. I knew I had said the words that would break his heart.

"Fine Bella, you want me to leave, I'm gone." And he was, just like that. One second he was there the next he wasn't. I had made him think I had slept with Jacob, that he had caught us together in bed. He didn't know that it was all false, that I made him believe it but I had.

I fell where I stood, I fell and I cried for everything I had lost for everything I had yet to lose. Jasper was gone, he was gone forever and he wouldn't know the truth until it was too late. I did love him; I loved him with every fiber of my being. I was going to die but I wouldn't let him see it.

_A/N: Ok so I know it's confusing but please just stick with it! It will all make since soon enough!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Note: This story has no beta so any mistakes are my own…sorry!_

I had sent Jasper away, made him believe I had betrayed his trust, slept with someone else. He left that night as did his family, leaving me with a whole in my heart so big it threatened to consume me. I hadn't told anyone about my plan, not even Jacob he would be so mad at me. He and Jasper had been friends but that's why I choose him, it would sting the most. It almost killed me to hurt Jazz like that, I loved him but I did it for him. If he had to see me slowly die, it would kill him.

I don't know how long I stayed there like that, on the floor of my kitchen crying, for my lost love, for the sickness that was slowly taking away my life, and for the life I would never have. I must have fallen asleep because I was woken up by a pair of warm arms picking me up off the floor.

"What did you do Bells?" It was Jake; he must have heard what I did. I had no clue where he was taking me, it didn't really matter, nothing mattered anymore.

3 months later

I was lying in bed in my room at my Aunts house. I had decided to move back to her house last month when I wasn't able to get around my apartment alone. Every day was difficult, I was always so tired. I had non-Hodgkin lymphoma, a very aggressive form of it. There were treatment options of course but even with chemo and radiation it would only extend my life maybe a year, maybe less. So I choose to forgo the treatment and just live the rest of my life the best I could. There was no magical cure for me. This was a human problem, and there was no human cure.

"Hey Belly," I had my eyes closed but I knew this voice well. It was Seth. All of the wolves knew about me, and I them. Ever since I sent Jasper away they had been coming around. I spent most of my time with Seth. Jacob came by sometimes but he was still mad at me for what I had done. I told him about what I made Jasper think, they had become good friends and I had ruined that.

"Hi Seth," I didn't really get out much so Seth came to visit me often; I had grown to love our talks. Seth kept things light, never venturing to the touchy subject of Jasper or my illness.

"Can I ask you something?" Seth was standing in my doorway, leaning against the frame.

"Sure kid, what is it?" It was odd of him to be so sullen.

"I was talking to Jake last night and he told me something, about you and Jasper." He didn't look me in the eye.

"What did he say Seth," I was angry. Jake had no right to say anything to this boy about my life; he had enough to deal with.

"He said that Jasper could have saved you but you didn't let him. Why didn't you let him Bella? He loved you and I know you loved him whether you want to believe it or not. Do you want to die Bella?" He was upset I knew he had every right to be, he didn't know all the facts.

"Jacob never should have said anything to you, it wasn't his place."

"Bella, please," he walked towards me sitting on the side of my bed.

"If I tell you, if I explain then you have to drop it ok?" He nodded. I sighed pushing myself up on the bed. "When a vampire tries to turn a witch, sometimes it works and the transformation goes as it should. Other times it doesn't work out so well. The more powerful the witch, the harder the transformation, until the venom becomes like a poison a very lethal one. Many powerful witches have died and I'm very powerful, or at least I was. Jasper would have tried to change me, and I would have died anyway. He would have to go through all of that…and I would still die. I couldn't hurt him like that."

Seth didn't say anything, he didn't need to. He put his hand on my arm and just sat there with me. He stayed until I fell asleep. I would die in a few months and Jasper would never know. Every day I grew weaker, I had to use what little power I had left to make sure the curse on Jaspers memories held, but it was becoming more than I had bargained for. Eventually I would lose all my power and Jasper would remember, he would remember everything. By then it would be too late of course, I would already be gone.

Jasper POV

It had been 6 months since I left Forks, since she left me. I was broken in so many ways, I no longer spoke to anyone, I didn't hunt, I was a statue. A lifeless, meaningless statue. The others had tried to talk to me, reason with me but I didn't listen. Edward was the first to come find me, after I left Forks I ran, I ran to Texas the only other home I had known. He found me in Houston, and he told me to come back with him, that the family had moved to Alaska. I said nothing as he tried to persuade me that my existence had a reason, a purpose. It didn't though, the only person I had ever truly loved had betrayed me, had choose another over me.

Many others came to me and tried to reason with me but I didn't hear them, not really. I was alone that's how I wanted it. Even Peter and Char tried to talk to me, but I saw no one, heard no one. My thoughts always on her, on the way she moved, the way she talked, her laugh. She smiled a lot, she was always so happy so carefree, until the end.

The last few months every once in a while I would be thinking about her, my Bella and it would all seem so wrong, she wouldn't do that to me, the Bella I knew couldn't hurt me like that. Then I would see it in my head again, so crisp and fresh like I was there again, I caught them in bed together and the pain would come back, like a wound being reopened again and again. Until one day I was sitting on top of Williams Tower when it hit me. The memory of that day…there was something wrong. I couldn't place my finger on it; I could recall making love to her, writing my mother a letter while she slept. Then that morning…something happened it was blurry then somehow I knew I had caught her with Jacob. But how? How did I do it? I didn't understand why my memories were foggy, I was a vampire, they should be sharp. Why hadn't I considered this before?

That's when it hit me almost knocking me off my feet. She had done this, Bella had. She had tricked me. Before I could think of anything else I was running, I was going to go back to Forks, I was going to save my Bella.

Authors Note: If you don't know what the Williams Tower is you should look it up, it's awesome


	3. Chapter 3

6 months had gone by already and I still thought of Jasper every day. As the days progressed I began to get weaker, I could no longer leave my bed. I was using every last drop of power I had to keep Jaspers memories at bay, his real memories.

In the past few months Seth had imprinted. He imprinted on this lovely little native girl, she was quite but strong just what Seth needed. Her name was Sara; she came by to see me with Seth a few times. I fell for her almost as fast as Seth had; she was the sweetest girl I'd ever met. Jacob had surprised me by coming by one day and telling me he forgave me.

It was early in the morning; I was in the kitchen back when I could get down the stairs. Some of the boys were going to be here soon so I was making a huge breakfast, not that I could really eat any of it but the boys were bottomless pits. I heard a knock on the front door, that was strange to me they normally barged in. I went to the front door and opened it to find Angela standing outside. I hadn't seen her in weeks, she was sticking close to Jake which I could understand.

"Angela? What are you doing here?" I could feel the tears in my eyes, I missed my best friend. She leaned in and hugged me she was crying too.

"Is something burning?" I jumped hearing a voice behind Angela. I looked up to see Jacob leaning against my porch.

"Crap, the cinnamon rolls!" I turned toward the kitchen to go take them out of the oven.

"Let me! You two need to talk." Angela walked back to the kitchen without another word. I looked back to Jake who hadn't moved.

"Jake, look…" he held up his hand to stop me, he walked over to the swing and sat down, patting the seat next to him. I stepped outside and closed the door behind me, joining him on the swing.

"When you told me what you did, I was so mad. I know what it's like to be in love, knowing the kind of pain you put yourself in, leaving your mate I was mad that you did that to yourself but then Ang, she explained it to me. If I knew I was going to die, I would protect her from it as much as I could. I'm sorry Bells, I'm sorry that you're going through this and I'm sorry that I made you go through it without your best friend." He grabbed both my hands in his larger ones and looked up at me, he was crying.

"I'm sorry too," I whispered to him, tears streaming down my face.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, you were protecting your mate."

"No, I'm sorry I'm dying. I'm sorry I'm leaving you without your best friend." He grabbed me and pulled me into a bear hug, I could tell he was crying. I knew this would be hard for us but at least we had our best friends back.

In the weeks that followed Jake and Angela came to see me a lot more often, they normally came together but every once in a while I would get to spend one-on-one time with them. Most of my days were spent reading or daydreaming, mostly of Jasper and of what our lives could have been. The boys had moved my bed so it was right by my window facing the forest. I was slowly but surely starting to decline, the first few months I could still get down the stairs, walk around. Then one day I fell down the stairs, my legs gave out it was almost like I could feel it, this darkness was creeping up from somewhere inside of me slowly taking everything I had. After my fall the guys didn't let me out of my room, not that I could really go anywhere even if I wanted to.

One day in late December I was trying to read Death be not proud, but my mind wondered to thoughts of Jasper and my eyes drifted to the forest covered in white. The snow had just fallen; it was a wonderful white blanket extending as far as I could see untouched by anything. The beautiful white reminded me of Jasper, his lovely skin, if I thought hard enough I could almost feel his fingers on me.

I hadn't realized I fell asleep until I was awoken by a loud sound. I jumped, looking around my room frantically trying to find the source of the noise. I heard it again, it wasn't coming from my room, I was coming from outside it was a howl. My head snapped around to see what was going on and for a second, I thought my heart stopped. It was Victoria; she was advancing towards Jacob and Seth in wolf form. They must have been coming to see me when they saw her. They were alone, I knew the pack was on the way but they would never get here in time…she was too fast for just Jacob and Seth.

I knew what I had to do, I just didn't know if I could do it. I concentrated on what I wanted then it happened.

I was in my back yard standing in between the wolves and Victoria. I looked in her bright red eyes; I had been waiting for this for a long time. I gathered up all my power, every last bit I could find. I knew, Jasper would remember after this but to save Jacob and Seth, it didn't matter. She wasn't going to live another day that I would be sure of. I took a step toward her, I raised my hand and then she was gone. I turned around to look at my boys and make sure they were safe but suddenly all I could see was black.

Jacob POV

The past year had been crazy, Bella had come home, and no one knew then that she came home to die, she wanted it that way. Looking back I guess I would have too. She didn't want people to look at her differently. The first 6 months she was here it was like nothing was wrong, but after she sent Jasper away I saw what was really happening. She really was dying and I think he was the only thing keeping her so strong, when I found her on that floor I had never seen her look so fragile. For the first time she really looked sick. When she told me what happened, what she had done. At first I was livid; I couldn't understand why she would put herself through something like that. It took me a long time to figure out why she did it, maybe too long.

Seth and I had just finished our patrol Paul and Jared taking over for us. We both decided to go by and see Bella. After we made up I went to see her a lot. I wanted to spend more time with her but she practically chased me out of the house, she told me that I needed to spend as much time with Angela as possible because I didn't know when my last day with her would be. It broke my heart to see her like this, I once thought this girl was the love of my life and now that I found the person I was supposed to be with I had to watch my best friend be heartbroken. Her heartbreak wasn't like other peoples, when the supernatural gets involved the stakes are higher and when you find your mate its life and death. Jasper kept her alive and healthy that was because of the connection they had. Bella told me once that she could feel her cancer, like I dark cloud in her body, like something else was living inside her and that when she was with Jasper it felt lighter, not gone but like he shined a light on the darkness. She never told him about it, he knew she was sick but she didn't want to put that burden on him, just like I wouldn't want to do that to Angela.

Seth and I were just coming to the back of Bella's house when we both smelled it, leech. We were still phased thankfully. We turned around putting our backs to Bella's porch, that bitch wasn't going to get anywhere near her house. She came out of the woods advancing towards us. I let out an ear piercing howl then felt the others phase in.

'Paul, Jared get here NOW!' the way it sounded was almost like an alpha command.

'We're on the way.' It was Paul I could feel the pack in my head, everyone was frantic. I knew they wouldn't get here in time. It would be at least another 3 minutes, and by then the bitch would already have gotten passed us.

She was still coming at us when all of a sudden Bella was standing in front of us. I hadn't seen her on her feet in almost 3 weeks. She was just looking at the red headed leech for a long ass time. I was about my next move when Bella walked toward her. What the hell was she thinking?! She lifted an arm to the leech and suddenly a blinding white light shot out of Bella's hand and just like that the bitch was gone. Bella turned to face us, there was blood dripping from her nose I thought she was going to say something but then she fainted. Seth and I both phased back.

"Bella?!" I dropped to my knees and gathered her in my arms. She was freezing cold, her heartbeat was barely there, and I had never seen her look so pale. She was dying.

Jasper POV

I was running. I wasn't even sure what state I was in, I didn't even know how long I had been running. I had to get to Bella, I knew what was happening. She was going to die, but only if I didn't get to her in time. I should have gotten on a plane, that would have been faster than running but I wasn't thinking clearly and know it was too late.

I kept running. I think it had been a full day now. I was starting to recognize my surroundings; I was in Washington, that I was sure of. It was only a matter of time until I got to Bella; I just prayed it wasn't too late.

I was outside Bella's house. My senses were in overdrive. I could smell Bella, the wolves, and Victoria but the scent was old. I had so many questions but the first one was Bella. Where's Bella? I was walking to her back door when I felt the wolf behind me. I stopped, I knew how this would end if I resisted. I put my hands up and slowly turned around.

"I'm not here to cause trouble; I'm just here to see Bella." I saw the sandy colored wolf in front of me slowly back away. He looked at me for a minute then nodded his head. That was all I needed. I ran into the house following the scent I knew so well. What I found there was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen, the love of my life my mate was dying. She had lost so much weight, she was skin and bones. Her skin looked like stretched rubber being pulled over her skin, she had always been pale but now she looked almost translucent. There were monitors all around her but none of them were on, her heartbeat was slow. I got on my knees by her bed and held her hand in mine.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm so sorry." This was all my fault, I left her. I sat with her for a long time, begging her to wake up but nothing changed.

"I tried to get her to call you but she wouldn't do it," it was one of the wolves I wasn't sure which one. "She saved us, Jake and I. Victoria had us cornered and she saved us. Somehow she made her disappear, then right after she blacked out and hasn't woken up since. That was four days ago. She signed a DNR, they can't do anything. The doctors say she probably won't wake up again." The wolf was crying now, I didn't understand why he was telling me this.

"She not a witch anymore, all her power is gone that's why you remember everything. Jake was so mad at her for the longest time, he didn't want you to be pissed at him," the wolf chuckled. I was rather fond of Jacob, even if he had been in love with my Bella. I turned to look at the native man standing in the doorway.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because dude, she's not a witch anymore. You can change her." I looked at him in shock. Even if I could resist the blood lust if I bit her, the treaty would be broken and the wolves would kill me, then Bella. But as I looked down at her I could feel something I never felt from her, I felt hope, it was faint but still I could feel her.

"You know I can't do that." I was starting to get angry; this child didn't know what he was talking about.

"Listen Jasper because I'm only going to say this once." He was whispering as if he didn't want someone else to hear. "Jacob is the new alpha. Jacob would do anything to save Bella, even alter the treaty for you but the council, they won't like it. If you want to do it you have to do it now. And by now I mean right now." He was looking at me with such intensity, he was serious, and he wanted me to turn her right now. I hadn't hunted in weeks, even a drop of her blood might be too much.

"I don't…I can't. I'm not strong enough." I looked down ashamed of myself.

"She believed in you, she still does. If she thinks you can do it then so do I." I looked up at him, searching for any dishonesty but there was none. He wanted me to do this. I looked back at Bella, she was going to die and soon. I had turned others before but it had been years and I was a different person then but this was Bella, my friend, my love, my other half. She was my mate.

I looked at the wolf one last time. "You may want to go get Jacob." I turned back to Bella, this was it I was going to change her. I leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm sorry Bella, I love you." I whispered in her ear, and then I bit her.


End file.
